Stay
by alwayscastle-jenn
Summary: She wanted to know what had caused this, she wanted the man she called her partner back, and she wanted him to stay. Post The Limey. Mild spoilers for Headhunters.
1. Chapter 1

**Stay**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

_ "If you believe everything's alright, you won't be alone tonight."_

* * *

Kate Beckett had decided she wasn't going to hide any longer, he had been in and out of the precinct for weeks and this was the final straw. He had come back today after spending a week with Slaughter like it had been nothing. He waltzed into the precinct late in the morning, coffee in hand for only himself, and sat down next to her like nothing had happened asking her about the case they were working, just like any other day. Then to top it all off he left shortly after noon claiming he was behind on his latest couple of chapters. She wondered why he was behind, maybe because he had spent all his time lately driving around town in his Ferrari with blonde bimbos and then running around with Slaughter for over a week, that would do it, she was sure.

She really couldn't believe she was doing this though, she had been getting nothing done at the precinct, didn't have any leads to follow up on, and since it was getting late she didn't think she'd get anywhere, the case could wait until tomorrow. When she pulled on her jacket, told the boys to head home she had figured she would do the same, but here she was, parked around the corner from his loft and making her way to his building through the blistering wind that had taken over the city the past few days.

She didn't have the slightest clue what she wanted to say to him, she couldn't even figure out when she had detoured from her path home to his loft. She didn't have a plan, nothing figured out, but she knew that whatever this was, whatever he had going on and had decided to take it out on her for absolutely no reason was ending now. She had been racking her brain for weeks now, trying to come up with some sort of explanation for his disappearing act and she continued drawing blanks. There was nothing that happened, nothing that was said, she couldn't think of a single thing that had changed between them and here he was, pulling away from her, running in the opposite direction when she was finally coming to terms with it all.

Here she was, finally convinced that she could do this, that she could let go of her past and just be with him, despite her fears, the wall she hid behind, and everything else that had made the past four years more than complicated for the two of them. She was ready to try and he was pushing her away, this is not how things were supposed to go. He had been waiting, she had known that, and now that she was okay with moving things forward, finally ready to give this a shot and he was nowhere to be found.

Not that that was exactly true, she knew exactly where to find him, running around solving crime with Slaughter, off with some blonde in his Ferrari, or supposedly cooped up in his office writing.

She neared his building quicker than she wished, her anger with him lacing her every move, quickening her pace in the frigid air. She debated walking past the door to his building, she had yet to formulate a plan, and she couldn't go in here blind, she needed at least a little something, even an opening point, she couldn't just walk up to his loft and knock on the door with nothing.

But as she made her way through the door, nodding at Eduardo and opting to take the stairs, buying her a little more time, all she accomplished was realizing she didn't know what she wanted to say to him. She wanted yell and scream at him, she was angry, she had had enough, but she knew that would get her nowhere. The more she pondered the subject the more she just wanted to know why, why this, why now?

She didn't understand, couldn't wrap her brain around what had happened, or even the point it had happened. It was like one second they were fine and the next Castle was a different person. She was a detective, for goodness sakes, she solved murders on a weekly basis, she should be able to figure out what set her partner off and made him become this shell of the person he used to be, the one who enjoyed following her around, who would sit in the chair next to her desk all day and pester her while she finished her paperwork, and the one who, after a hard day would join her for a drink, or a few, to drown their sorrows and to laugh about the good things in their lives. He was the one who made her forget about all the darkness, the sadness that consumed her life and followed her around like a cloud looming overhead. She missed that man over the past few weeks, she wanted nothing more than that man back in her life, as selfish as it was, she didn't care. He had become such an integral part of her life; the last few weeks when he had taken off had proven just that, and she would give almost anything for things to go back to normal. Which apparently consisted of climbing her way up the stairs to his loft after she had had an entirely too long of a day already, which only got worse by him ditching out of the precinct earlier this afternoon. It was the final blow. It was what set her off enough that here she was, confronting him with absolutely nothing planned out.

She reached his floor and paused, stared at his door for a few moments. She could still turn around, the only person that would know she had ever even been here would be Eduardo, and she knew he would never utter a word about it. She knew that running wouldn't help the situation though. If she chose to run, she'd be doing nearly exactly what he was. She was here already, she might as well at least try and get something out of him, and it couldn't hurt, that she was sure of.

She closed the short distance between her and his door, knocking lightly a few times. She didn't know what to expect, she felt like she didn't know him at all anymore, so to say she wasn't a little scared would be a lie.

"Mother, if you forgot your key I'm going to-" She heard Castle mutter behind the door, his sentence stopping abruptly when he opened the door to see her standing there. "-Beckett. What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I just- I…" she mumbled, this is why she should have thought of something to say before just showing up at his door unannounced. "I was hoping we could talk." She finally managed to get out.

"Of course," He said bluntly. "What did you need?"

_What did she need?_ Was he really asking her this? She needed her partner back, she needed him to not be like this anymore, she needed to know what caused it, she needed too many things and she was sure he wouldn't be exactly forthcoming with any of them.

"Can I come in?" She asked. This wasn't exactly a conversation she wanted to have in his doorway.

He sighed, running a hand over his face and through his hair, making a mess of it and causing it to stick up in every different direction.

"I really am supposed to be writing, Beckett, but you know I can't say no to you." He said before pushing the door open and turning his back to her, heading for the kitchen.

_Beckett._ It sounded foreign out of his mouth, and yet he had used it twice in the few moments since she had arrived at his door. She was so used to Kate, it was his go to name for her the past few months, she had gotten accustomed to it, used to it, maybe even happy about it, and now back to Beckett, she was sure now that whatever was causing him to act like this he was surely blaming on her.

"So is there a reason you are here?" He asked her. "Or did I not make myself clear when I said I was leaving the precinct to write this afternoon?

She was hurt by his words, weeks ago no matter what he was spending his evening doing he would have been glad for her to drop by, excited by her presence and trying to convince her to stay as long as possible. But yet here she was and he was angry, upset at her for coming over to talk to him, probably not far from kicking her out all together.

"Look if you want me to go Castle, I will. I just wanted to talk, I haven't exactly had the chance lately." She replied to him, she tried to keep the tone of her voice as normal as possible, hiding how much his comment had hurt her.

"Well you came all the way here, there must be a good reason for it."

She paused for a moment. Maybe she should just make a break for it, chicken out. She could simply apologize for coming by, explain that it had been a mistake and run as far and as fast as she could.

"If you do need to write I can go, I shouldn't have come over unannounced, I'm sorry." She blurt out, standing up and heading to the door. He grabbed her arm, turning her back around to face him.

"Just get whatever you need to say out, Beckett. There's clearly something on your mind."

She sat back down at the bar, and he finally grabbed the seat next to her, he had been leaning against the counter as far away from her as possible up to this point.

"Rick what's going on?" she asked. Concise and to the point, she figured she couldn't exactly go wrong with that.

"What do you mean what's going on, Beckett?" He spat, anger lacing his words.

"Things have been different, I can't explain it, I honestly don't understand it, but this isn't normal for us, there has to be something going on."

"Nothings going on, Beckett. I've been busy, that's all." His tone had lowered, the anger disappearing from his words, but she could read him, she'd been doing it for four years now, she knew by now when he wasn't being honest with her.

"You expect me to believe that?" She asked him, her anger was sneaking through her composure, he was straight out lying to her, and she wasn't about to stand here and be spoon fed by him.

"I do. Because it's the truth." He shot back at her.

"If you think I'm leaving with that explanation you're wrong, Castle. I know that's not it. If you were busy you wouldn't be pushing me away, you wouldn't be acting like I committed some kind of crime, and you wouldn't be avoiding meeting my eyes. I know you Castle, better than you'd like apparently. But I'm not going to sit here while you lie to me."

"Oh you mean like you have been?" He muttered under his breath, quiet enough for her not to catch what he had said.

"What?" She asked him.

"Nothing, Beckett. I don't want to talk about it okay? Everything is fine, whether you would like to believe it or not."

"Whatever you say, Rick. But you know you aren't going to be able to avoid this forever right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied. "I'm not avoiding anything." He kept his face void of emotion, his tone flat, he was trying hard to act like it was all okay, but she wasn't going believe any of his words for a second.

She would have it his way though, if he wanted to pretend things were perfectly normal between them she would go along with it, but she certainly wasn't going to buy his act for a second. She knew that this wasn't nothing, it was the furthest thing from nothing possible, but there was no sense in fighting him on it, not when he was this determined to keep whatever it was to himself.

"I meant it when I said I needed spend the night writing though." He announced, at least he had the decency not to out right kick her out of his place, she was kind of glad for his excuse.

"Right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just come over unannounced like this." She got up from the seat she had taken in the kitchen and made her way to his door, him following somewhere behind her. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" She asked.

"I think I should maybe take some time off from the precinct," he replied. "You know, get caught up on my latest book. And there's this new idea I want to pitch to my publishers, so I think it would be for the best."

"Of course, I guess I'll see you around then. Drop by when you get the chance." She said as she opened the door, giving him one last weak smile over her shoulder.

"Always." He said, returning the look, his smile as weak and forced as her own.

With that she turned, her head held high and made her way into the hallway, she was forcing herself to keep the last little ounce of composure left in her until she was nowhere to be seen.

She made quick work of the stairs, bursting open into the cold New York air, hearing Eduardo wish her a good evening somewhere in the distance. The temperature had dropped in the short amount of time she had spent inside his building; the walk to her car seeming longer than it had the first time she had made the trip. She just wanted to be home, in the privacy of her own apartment where she could pull herself together and try to not let it effect her nearly as much as it was currently. So what if Castle was deciding to take some time off the precinct. It wasn't like he had been there much lately anyways, so nothing was going to really change. They had been just fine before he had come along, and she needed to convince herself that they would be even better with him gone. She had gotten too accustomed to him being around, this would be good for her, and she needed it. And he had promised to stop by, she was sure he would still be around every once in a while, and maybe space was what they needed. They could go about their lives, both pretending that everything was all right, but both knowing the truth too. The time apart would make them stronger, it had before and she could only believe that it would do the same once again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Stay**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

_"Oh you can tell I haven't slept very well, since the last time we spoke."_

* * *

It had been four days. Four days since she had shown up at his apartment late that night. Four days since he had kicked her out and told her wouldn't be around very much. Four days since she had seen him when he walked into the precinct next.

He had explained how he had gotten a ton of writing done and missed being around the 12th, so he decided to take her up on her offer to pop by anytime. That was right before they got the call that a body had been found, and it was most likely linked to the case that they had picked up yesterday.

The car ride was silent as Castle fiddled with the radio, changing her station every few seconds, clearly displeased with the choices he found. It annoyed her. Even if she weren't overly fond of a song she'd rather just leave it on one station than hear the jumbled mess of him changing it at every chance he got. But she didn't dare say a thing, she had missed his presence in her car, even if it meant they weren't talking and he sit and played with the radio the whole time, she would take what she could get.

They arrived at the crime scene and checked in with Lanie and the rest of the team that was there. She sent Esposito and Ryan to get statements from the group that found the body and called it in, and Castle was off playing with some of the crime scene units gadgets she was sure.

"With the matching bags under your eyes I'd think you and Castle were keeping each other up all night, but I know that's not the case, so what is it?" Lanie asked her.

Kate averted her gaze from the medical examiner, she thought she had done a pretty good job with the concealer under her eyes that morning, trying to mask and forget about the purple circles that had formed under her eyes and had continued to get worse in the last few days.

"It's nothing, Lanie." Kate replied.

"You're funny if you really think you are going to get away trying to pretend it's nothing with me. I don't care what you or writer boy say, I know something when I see it."

"Fine, it's not nothing," Kate spit back, immediately feeling bad for snapping at her friend, and receiving a glare from Lanie for it. "I just don't want to talk about it, alright?"

"Would it be the reason why Alexis said Castle has been grumpy and ill tempered all week?" Lanie asked while the two of them walked away from the crime scene and back towards Kate's car.

"Alexis said that?" Kate asked, turning her attention solely on her friend.

"She did, though I doubt I was supposed to share that tidbit of information with you. But since that's too late now, are you going to tell me what's got the both of you all so worked up? Because Kate, I haven't seen you this bad in a while. I'm worried."

"It's a long story, Lanie. And something I can't even really explain. He's been distant and pushing me away. He claims it's just because he's busy with his latest book and a new project he's working on, but I know that can't be the only reason." Kate let out with a sigh, she was happy to tell Lanie, maybe she could give her some insight, because Kate had been back and forth over everything multiple times in the past few days, and nothing was adding up.

"I'm guessing you've talked to him about this?" Lanie asked her, because she knew Kate, and although she said she couldn't figure it out, she found that her friend seemed to be blind when it came to Castle some of the time.

"I went to his place the other night, but he basically just avoided it more and kicked me out. This is the first time I've seen him since than."

"We're not done talking about this. Come grab lunch with me in a few hours, I'll hopefully have some results by than to help you out."

Kate nodded and said goodbye to Lanie as she left to head back to the Morgue. Now to find Castle, surely he was around here somewhere. He hadn't been to a crime scene in a while, she was sure he was off bothering and pestering someone.

* * *

She returned from lunch with Lanie to find the boys putting the finishing touches of the new details of the case on their murder board. She updated them one the few new details Lanie had shared with them, and they told her about the lead they were going to head and check out. She sat down at her desk, as Ryan and Esposito left the precinct and Castle headed into the break room, she was exhausted. Her life lately was exhausting, and explaining everything to Lanie over lunch hadn't helped. She was glad to have her friend there to listen and try to help, but retelling the story, hearing it out loud, it made things even worse if it was possible, made them more real.

"Tired?" Castle asked her, sliding a cup of coffee towards her before grabbing a seat in his spot next to her desk. She didn't even remember placing her head in her hand, but sure enough there she was, falling asleep at her desk. She was just glad it was Castle who had found her like that and not Gates; because she was sure the reaction would not be nearly as nice coming from her captain.

"A little." She answered, stretching her arms back in her chair.

"I know the feeling." He replied, rubbing a hand over his face and through his hair before taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Not sleeping well either?" She asked him. She already knew the answer to the question, but she wanted to hear him say it, she wanted him to confess that it was whatever going on between them that was keeping him up at night too.

"You could say that. It's been a rough past couple nights."

"Everything alright?" She asked. She couldn't put it out there anymore, she made it clear that she was worried about him, that she wanted to know whatever was going on, that she was hear to listen, she was interested, but if was going to continue to avoid her, continue to be vague she didn't know what else she could do.

"Everything's fine Kate, I don't know how many times I need to tell you that." He snapped at her.

"Seriously, Castle?" She spat back, her voice low but laced with anger.

"Well I don't know why you don't get it Kate. What do you want me to tell you? You're the one that's so convinced that every thing isn't alright, so why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Because I don't know what's wrong Castle," She said to him, she had gotten up and pushed her chair out of the way, making her way to the break room, him following close behind her before she slammed the door shut. "You seem to be punishing me for something, something that I have no idea what I've done, so if you want to go ahead and let me know what I've done to deserve all of this in the past few weeks I'd be delighted to know."

"If you can't figure it out Kate then maybe you don't deserve to know."

"Well at least you've finally admitted something was wrong. But if you are seriously want to play this game you might as well go home, Castle. I don't need this, especially not in the precinct. You were right, maybe it would be better if you weren't around anymore."

Next thing she knew the door to the break room was slamming shut and the man she used to call her partner was storming his way to the elevator of the 12th. She sat down on the couch, burying her head in her hands. She had been over this a million times, she didn't know what had changed, she couldn't figure out what she had done to create this. She needed to stop worrying about this; she needed to not let it affect her this much. The boys would be back soon enough, she might as well see what she can do while they are gone on the case. She stood up, brushing off the events of the day, storing them in the back of her mind where she was keeping the rest of this issue with Castle, locked up, stored away so not to bother her, and be on her mind every second of everyday.

* * *

She walked into her apartment late that night, she was sure that the bags under her eyes would have bags of their own by now. But they had closed the case that was what mattered. Not that she could say she had been of much assistance to the boys, they had done ninety percent of the work while she was distracted.

She grabbed her phone out of her jacket after she hung it up, remembering the sound of a text message going off while she waited for the elevator a few minutes ago.

It was from Castle. His name flashed across the screen, and she found herself basking in the small delight she used to experience every day, his witty little texts to her, though she was sure this one wasn't the same. But she had missed it, somewhere in her subconscious she missed that they always used to talk, something as easy as a text from him used to brighten her day, make her smile, it was something she missed.

_We need to talk, Kate. I can't keep doing this with you anymore._

She locked her phone, she would answer him in the morning. It's not that she thought he would be sleeping, she was sure if his mind was anything at all like hers right now that sleep was nowhere in sight, but she didn't know what to say. He couldn't keep doing what? Pushing her away, avoiding her, punishing her for who knows what and fighting with her? Or he couldn't keep coming around? The answer scared her, because she didn't know which it would be. As rough as things were between them right now she was sure they could get through whatever this was. He would tell her why he was upset, they'd work through it, go back to being happy. They had to, because Kate was finally ready to give this a shot, she couldn't lose him now. Not after everything they had been through, everything they had worked through to get to this point. Now wasn't the time to lose, this was supposed to be the easier part, she confessed her feelings, he told her about his too and they decided to give this a shot, decide to be happy together. That was what was supposed to happen, not him pushing her away and avoiding her.

* * *

"I'm going to bed mother," he told her as he got off the couch and walked toward his office, leaving his phone sitting on side table.

"Richard, give her a chance," Martha told him. "It's late, she could be sleeping, or still at the precinct, you know her well enough to understand that."

"I'll check my phone in the morning." He grumbled, disappearing into his office. He sat down in his desk chair, running his hand over his face, he was exhausted. It had to be close to 3am at this rate, he was sure. He got home that afternoon, finding his mother here working on a new project for one of her classes. He was glad she was here, he was glad to have her to talk to, to try and work this whole situation out with. Because he was sure that his perspective on the entire thing was a little distorted at this point. But for his own mother to basically take Kate's side, that was not something he expected. She told him he was being unfair, that clearly Kate had no idea why he was hurt, and it wasn't fair to do this to her without explaining himself. So he text her, telling her he couldn't keep this up, that he wanted to talk, and he got nothing in reply. Sure it was late, she probably had better things to do than sit around at 3 in the morning and talk with him, she was probably asleep like the rest of the New York, like he should be. But now he was rethinking it all, rethinking that maybe he had been in the wrong. Sure he could be angry, he knew that, he should be angry at her, hiding such a thing from him, all this time. Hell, he would have rather her tell him straight out she didn't feel the same instead of dragging him along so long. But his mother had reasoned with him, told him to give her a chance to explain herself, she deserved that much according to her. So he'd give her the chance. He still loved her, he thought maybe he could just turn it off, hope that it would go away, but the longer he spent without her the worse it got. He figured he'd have more control over it, be able to at least push the feelings down long enough that eventually he would forget about them, but that seemed like an impossibility at this point.

He walked to his bedroom, laid on top of the blankets, hands behind his head, staring at this ceiling. He might as well at least try to get some sleep, he could deal with this all in the morning. The ball was in her court, all he had to left to do was wait.


End file.
